No, No, No … They Didn’t Say That

by Daniel Brenton

in No, No, No … They DIDN’T SAY That

The No No No Bird
“You lead me here with that trail of popcorn to sell me on a pyramid scheme!?
You are about to be spat upon.”

There is something about the social media service Twitter that makes me a little crazy, but at least I’ve found a way to make my peace with it.

I’ve been spending over half a year now on Twitter, getting to know people and sharing my work and services with them. One thing I see a lot of on Twitter are inspirational quotes. They seem like a natural, given the 140 character nature of Twitter “tweets.”

But if you go to the Twitter page of the “tweeter” tweeting all this glowing, rarified inspiration, nine times out of ten you’ll find something a little bit seedy. You’ll find the link in their profile leads to a marketing squeeze page, designed to suck you into handing over your contact information or your hard-earned cash outright on the latest Social Media Conquest Package (or similar garbage), guaranteed to make The Big Bucks just roll into your pockets.

Puh-leeze.

So as I see these inspirational quotes roll by on Twitter, I get really punchy. (And if I see that Melody Beattie quote about gratitude one more time, I will just scream!!!!!)

I love the wisdom of the brilliant and enlightened in our history as much as the next person, but I seriously doubt Madam Curie or Saint Teresa would have foreseen their words being used to promote the latest social media Ponzi scheme.

My solution? Mockery!

Here, then, is the first installment of fake quotes, which I call:

“No, No, No … They Didn’t Say That.”
 

The longer I live, the more beautiful everybody else becomes.
~ Larry King

When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears … along with the IRS.
~ Donald Trump

Our imagination is the only limit to what we can have in the future. Oh yeah, and Congress.
~ Alan Greenspan

Be yourself, everyone else is taken. Except me.
~ Steven Wright

Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life. Or, at least, having your abundance in my life.
~ Tony Robbins

What’s beautiful is all that counts, pal. And those residual checks. Those count, too.
~ Jack Nicholson

I am a little pen in the hand of a scribbling God who is writing a parking ticket to the world.
~ Salvador Dali

Do not go where the path may lead… except you, Thoreau. You’ve been out in the boonies too long.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are only two tragedies in life: you, and that you’re not going to learn what the other one is.
~ Don Rickles

Others can count me out, but my belief in me is the only thing that matters!
~ Paul Reubens

There are no limits. Only thoughts with limits.
~ Bernie Madoff

We am responsible for every aspect of our experience … except the Republican Party.
~ Abraham-Hicks

If we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, we must glow in the dark.
~ Marie Curie

When work is chocolate, life is fat.
~ Louie Anderson

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Copyright © 2009-2012, by Daniel Brenton. All Rights Reserved.

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