No, No, No … They Didn’t Say That – #003

by Daniel Brenton

in No, No, No … They DIDN’T SAY That

The No No No Bird

The third installment of inspirational quotes so fake even a cave man could tell. (Err … make that a fifth-grader.)

Despite my best efforts to mock them, inspirational quotes continue zip by on my Twitter feed endlessly.

Don’t get me wrong about inspirational wisdom — this is in fact my second favorite topic (well … make that my third most favorite). But seeing these tweeted endlessly with no attempt to create real conversation makes me punchy, and when something gets me punchy, I just want to draw a mustache on it.

Here, then, is my third batch of quotes with no basis in truth whatsoever.

Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to control a monopoly over it.
~ Bill Gates.

One way to get the most out of life is to give it the 11:30 time slot again.
~ Jay Leno

You are the sunset. You are the butterfly of a long night of Lunesta-instilled peace. And you are the dawn, scaring the crap out of ten thousand stars that really deserved better.
~ William Shatner

Trust not too much to an enchanting face.
~ William J. Clinton

We are what we repeatedly do. Mediocrity, then, is a habit most of us are really good at.
~ Sarah Palin

We are one, after all, you and I. Together we suffer, together exist, and forever will recreate each other. I just own most of you.
~ Donald Trump

You are responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for me, too, but that’s beside the point.
~ Ben S. Bernanke

Fear has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.
~ Glen Beck

The Sun never says to the Earth, “listen, bud, pay your light bill now, or I’m shutting you off.” Eventually, though, it will just blow up.
~ Carl Sagan

Only that in you which is me can hear what I’m saying.
~ Rush Limbaugh

When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you. It’s kinda fun.
~ Kim Jong-il

Everything in your life is there as a vehicle for your transformation … except for what General Motors makes. In that case, think “charity.”
~ James Arthur Ray

There is no secret to success. It is the result of hard work, stealing from the best, and learning from the idiots around you so you don’t have to fall on your own face.
~ Thomas Edison

The more corrupt the state, the more laws.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
~ Larry King

We are angels with only one wing, and we can fly by embracing other one-winged angels, or fly in circles. This explains Congress.
~ Andy Rooney

The folly of all follies is to be love sick for a shadow.
~ Jennifer Aniston

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
~ Jon Lovitz

To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society.
~ Bernie Madoff

The life and love we create is the life and love we live.
~ Larry Flynt

And today I’ll end with one so good I didn’t have to play with it at all:

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
~ Dwight Eisenhower

Dwight did actually say that. (I guess, beyond being the president, he was a Zen master, or something.)

(Folks, you can’t make this stuff up.)

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Copyright © 2010-2012, by Daniel Brenton. All Rights Reserved.

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