Mayan Calendar

    The world ended a year ago. Remember?

It’s taken me a while to adjust to the world having ended, but now, a year later, I think I’m just getting my feet back under me.

(I roll my eyes.)

Walk with me now, as we take a short journey down memory lane, to just before the day the world ended, one year ago today.

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The Mayan Emergency Broadcast System

 

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    Today on The High Oddness Report: a look at a little-noticed Washington D.C. protest march — and behind the scenes at its charismatic leader, and his efforts to speak to an alarming trend.

Alarm clock

WASHINGTON D.C. — A protest march in front of the White House of a group calling itself “Concerned Citizens for Temporal Freedom” clogged sidewalks and spilled onto Pennsylvania Avenue periodically blocking traffic last Friday.

The picketers, roughly 5300 in number, angrily chanted awkward slogans that frequently used scientific terms with more than four syllables.

A tense moment between officers of the Metropolitan Police of the District of Columbia and picketers occurred when an unidentified participant shouted “We are all out of time!” and a broken alarm clock was thrown from the crowd which glanced off of a police officer’s helmet. No arrests were made.

Another officer, who requested to remain anonymous, commented: “What are we going to charge ‘em with, ‘assault with a deadly timepiece’?”

Those curious enough to ask picketers about their cause received a densely-worded brochure and the event’s symbol, which was … a broken alarm clock.

Their issue?

That’s just it. No one understood their issue.

The march was the brainchild of Dr. Lester Fluegel, fifty two year old charismatic spokesman for what is known as the “free time travel movement,” and inventor of the Chrono-Synclastic Infundibulum Generator (CSIG), what he claims to be a commercially affordable personal time machine.

Fluegel organized the protest to force attention to the group’s claim that independent time travelers are unable to journey past the year 2017.

They assert the “Black Ops” side of the U.S. government is somehow responsible … and Fluegel claims he has the proof.

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The Little “Smiley Face Flag” Caption Contest

Smiley Face Flag

When I saw this flag, I knew I had to take a photo of it, because a caption sprang to mind almost immediately. The more I thought about it, the more captions presented themselves.

It almost immediately occurred to me I could offer this as empty slate to see how creative the followers of my High Oddness Facebook page might be with the same image.

So I launched my Little Caption Contest on New Year’s Day of this year. My offer was to take the five best captions and work them up like the one above.

The responses were so strong I took the liberty of awarding not just five captions, but also two more “runner up” entries.

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15 More Facebook Status Prompts We Hope We Never See

Facebook Status Prompt

If you’re on Facebook, I’m sure you’ve noticed the change in what are known as their status “prompts,” using a bunch of more direct and personal questions and including your own name to engage your attention.

This has made more than one person I’ve run across feel like Facebook was now stalking them. This response inspired my last post, where I poked some fun at Facebook’s backfired attempt to seem more personable, or whatever it is they think they’re doing.

So, due in part by popular demand by a veritable horde of satire-hungry Facebookers … well, a small crowd of casually-interested Facebookers … well, Tom Redwine … a couple of days ago I launched “The Facebook Status “Prompt” Challenge” on my High Oddness Facebook page.

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Facebook Status Prompts We Hope We Never See

Facebook Status Prompt

Are you on Facebook? Odds are, you are.

You’ve probably noticed a change that Facebook has made in their “status prompts” — those little grayed-out messages designed to help inspire those with a loss for words.

The change is that they’ve become personalized, using your own name to engage your attention. One these standard responses can’t help but make me think of a ’70s sitcom, and another, naturally, implied that Facebook actually was concerned for my well being. I mean, what are they going to do, sell me some Maalox?

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Is Hell Freezing Over? One Scientist Says Yes

Earth Cutaway

RESTON, Virginia — Dr. Hugo Whitehead of the United States Geological Survey isn’t happy with the department, and the department doesn’t seem to be very happy with him, either.

Dr. Whitehead was, as of a few days ago, the lead scientist in a project implementing a new technique designed to analyze the velocities of seismic waves recorded since the beginning of digital seismic data collection. The project has come to the conclusion the interior of the Earth is cooling off, and cooling off at a much faster rate than deemed possible by geologic science.

“It could not be any clearer to me what this means,” says Whitehead. “It means that Hell is freezing over.”

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